More Good Times (humor)

[Robin Newberry <robin.newberry@x-net.net>]

Memorandum

    Subject: GOODTIMES VIRUS -- The Latest (fwd)


    The latest breaking news on the GOODTIMES virus.

       It turns out that this so-called hoax virus is very
    dangerous after all.  Goodtimes will re-write your hard
    drive.  Not only that, it will scramble any disks that are
    even close to your computer.  It will recalibrate your
    refrigerator's coolness setting so all your ice cream goes
    melty.  It will demagnetize the strips on all your credit
    cards, screw up the tracking on your television and use
    subspace field harmonics to scratch any CDs you try to
    play.

      It will give your ex-girlfriend your new phone number.  It
    will mix Kool-aid into your fishtank.  It will drink all
    your beer and leave dirty socks on the coffee table when
    company comes over.  It will put a dead kitten in the back
    pocket of your good suit pants and hide your car keys when
    you are late for work.

       Goodtimes will make you fall in love with a penguin.  It
    will give you nightmares about circus midgets.  It will pour
    sugar in your gas tank and shave off both your eyebrows
    while dating your girlfriend behind your back and billing
    the dinner and hotel room to your Discover card.

        It will seduce your grandmother.  It does not matter if
    she is dead, such is the power of Goodtimes, it reaches out
    beyond the grave to sully those things we hold most dear.

       It moves your car randomly around parking lots so you
    can't find it.  It will kick your dog.  It will leave
    libidinous messages on your boss's voice mail in your voice!
    It is insidious and subtle.  It is dangerous and terrifying
    to behold.  It is also a rather interesting shade of mauve.

       Goodtimes will give you Dutch Elm disease.  It will leave
    the toilet seat up.  It will make a batch of Methamphetamine
    in your bathtub and then leave bacon cooking on the stove
    while it goes out to chase gradeschoolers with your new
    snowblower.



Robin Newberry
1966 Sedan "Gretchen"
robin.newberry@x-net.net

"My employer disavows any knowledge of my actions, 
disputes my existence, and refuses to say 'hi' when 
we pass in the hall."